Wednesday, 9 May 2007

Audio Spam

I loathe telemarketers. Unable to block these invertebrates (because the caller had withheld their number) and despite asking them to take my number off their database, the same pool of moronic drones robotically calls at fairly predictable times. I know they have mouths to feed and are doing their job. But I am doing mine too. Some people DO sleep during the day when they work long nights and are actually NOT interested in ANY of their offers WHATSOEVER but that never sinks through their impervious craniums.

Act 1 Scene 1

*ring ring*

Me: "Hello?"
(click click noise in background)
Me: "Hello?"
(click click noise in background)
Me: "HELLO?!?!?" (just a tad irritatingly)
(the perfunctory 5 second delay occurs as my yell echoes all the way to India down the international call line)
Telemarketer: "Is this Mr. "...."?" (not only can this loverly jubbly accent spectactularly misprounce my one syllable surname, he can also change my sex too)
Me: "No" (Yes)
Telemarketer: "This is Orange Mobile Network"
Me: "Yes?" (Aufurfuksake)
Telemarketer: "How are you today?"
Me: "Annoyed as hell" (Can you just get to the effing point?!?!?)
Telemarketer: "Do you own a mobile phone?"
Me: "No" (Yes, but it's none of your beeswax!!!!)
Telemarketer: "We are offering a FREE mobile phone...yada, yada, yada..."
Me (interjects into his minute long spiel): "Thanks, but I am not interested in any of your products or offers" (get the hell out of my face!!!)
Telemarketer: "...for ONLY ££££ a month....yada, yada, yada..."
Telemarketer: "Sir, but don't you want a FREE mobile phone?"
Me: "NO!" (It's not free you lying prick!!!!)
Telemarketer: "How do you contact...?"
Me: "I use a carrier pigeon, OH KAYY? Now thanks but no thanks. Goodbye."
Telemarketer: "But Sir, do you use Broadband...?"
Me: Puts phone down
Telemarketer: "........"

Act 1 Scene 2

*ring ring*

Me: "Hello?"
(click click noise in background)
Me: "Hello?"
(click click noise in background)
Me: "HELLO?!?!?" (a tad irritatingly)
(the perfunctory 5 second delay...)
Telemarketer: "Is this Mr "...."? "

Act 1 Scene 3

*ring ring*

Me: "Hello?"
(click click noise in background)
Me: "Hello?"
(click click noise in background)
Me: "HELLO?!?!?" (just a wee bit irritatingly)
(the perfunctory 5 second delay occurs...he realises it's me and telemarketer self-ends phonecall rather than "deal" with me)

I haven't got time to "play games" but evidently I am not the only one who heart telemarketers. ROFL

Basically, a "hold on please" and just walking away should do the trick of getting the message across since they play a numbers game of making as many calls as possible. You waste my time? I waste yours.


Moriji said...

Here in the U.S. we have a National Do Not Call Registry for telemarketers. My name and number is on there so I don't get any more of these annoying calls. Too bad you guys don't have something like this in U.K.

El Draque said...

That is really helpful…it’s also a sad reflection that even something like that exists. Do you have to pay to be on the list?

I asked British Telecom once about if something like that exists and they were totally unhelpful. I’ve dropped BT since (and that was a long time ago).

This morning I got woken up by another call. *$&%*T^$)!!! (heh)

Moriji said...

Nope, it's free! The only calls I get now is from companies I already do business with who periodically ask me if I want to upgrade my services. But this is nowhere near like what it was before.