Saturday, 12 May 2007

Cinematic flirting

Incredible as it may seem, I actually go to the cinema to watch a film. Evidently some women go to the cinema and flirt with guys. I have mixed feelings about this because on the one hand flirting is fun and flattering, but on the other hand it’s incredibly distracting…especially if they are as hot as or hotter than the actress on the screen (especially when I came all the way to see her acting and elocution of lines…ahem, really). What is more bizarre is when such women are with their dates.

Say, I could be engrossed in the visual pyrotechnics of Jessica Biel rippling and undulating from scene to scene in Next and then the rather attractive blonde next to me decides to play contact sport with footsies and elbow massage on the armrest. Okaaaaaaaay. Then last night at Spiderman 3 (admittedly a rather convoluted film for male geeks that can bore the shit out of the average female mind within ten minutes) there was this whole beautiful-bespectacled-brunette-secretary vibe going on next to me who starts to lean her whole upper body very noticeably over, resting her chin on her fist inches from my face, and crossing her long legs towards me – more times than not. She did cuddle over to her totally unresponsive date at points but that did not last long as she made intermittent disgruntled sighing gestures and preferred spending more time leaning over to my side even when there was no touching involved. Once it’s that obvious I caught her several times momentarily side glancing towards me….on top of the blatant female preening gesture of applying her lipstick no less than 4 times during the course of the entire film…and once rummaging in her purse for said cylindrical-labium-moisturiser during the pyrotechnic display of an extended action sequence when one should usually be concentrating on the US $200 million special effects dancing before one’s eyes and not on one’s lips in a darkened room. There may be no actual physical contact but THAT costless special effect can be electric.

Wowzers. What’s going on here lately? Are they indifferent with their inattentive dates? Disenchanted with the dragging film? Do they do this for a nocturnal weekend thrill? Do I secrete pheromones? Or do I sub-consciously flirt with them too?

Planet Woman, reveal thy secrets please.

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