Scooch: Proof That The British Have A Sense Of Humour

Naffly named like a cheap bottled beverage from a last minute dot com Euro flight and looking like the bastard love child between camp “Steps” and the short lived 90s British comedy TV series “The High Life”, this 4some awesome that is “Scooch” last night flew to the highly commendable runaway position of joint 22nd out of 24 at the 2007 Eurovision Song Contest, failing their crash landing target of being last by a nail biting one position.

Actually this was a very good example of the wicked British sense of humour. Knowing they were so amazingly awful meant that they could not possibly take this competition seriously so why not have a bit of a laugh? Last year’s crap UK entry, Daz Sampson, optimistically summarised Scooch’s chances as “I’ve got more chance (of winning this year) and I’m not even going”.

After all their delivery was the audiovisual equivalent of two fingers up your arse. And this is where the British truly understood the nature of this competition when self-parodying to the nth degree came in such lost luggage. By taking the piss out of itself whilst other countries simultaneously took the competition so seriously Britain truly embodied the spirit with “Flying The Flag”, for it’s performance was so diabolically UBER 1000% Eurotrash (oooops Eurovision), ticking all the tacky boxes of catchy, cheesy, fun, gay and kitsch. And you can dance to it with twirling trolleys too!!! The tongue was firmly in bum cheek :P

Tumescent with sexual innuendo lyrics (“Some salted nuts Sir?”) and cumming with class cabaret camp moves (“Your Exits are located here, here and here!!!!”) this atrocious 4some awesome prancing about on stage dressed as an airline cabin crew was SO PLANE PAINFUL TO WATCH it was actually FIRST CLASS! LMAO!



True, that this is not so much a song as a shambles but losing was still no easy matter. It took many days of painful practice and prudent planning to come up with a very bad routine guaranteed to cause national embarrassment. With such a dependably dire dance drill, the entire civilised nation of Little Britain chose the best example of sending itself up to inflict maximum self-flagellation. Even their moment of live national TV glory for David Ducasse, Natalie Powers, Caroline Barnes and Russ Spencer was pure gold of a Monty Python sketch when co-host Terry Wogan mistakenly declared rival Cyndi Almouzini as the winner.

Starting at the top from winning the national competition by failing to even remembering their own lamentable lyrics, failure did not come easy as the quality quartet needed the aid of sympathetic seriously minded European friends in order for them to hit rock bottom before even take-off had commenced.

But the real head scratching anomaly was how something as camp as Ukrainian drag queen Verka Serdyuchka’s German-Boy-George-dressed-as-a-Christmas-bauble performance of “Dancing Lasha Tumbai” came SECOND place with 235 points. Exactly. Song quality means nada in this competition.

Since in the real world the UK have true home grown talent dominating the music industry with the likes of Amy Winehouse, Arctic Monkeys, Kasabian, Razorlight, KT Tunstall, Lily Allen and Corinne Bailey Rae chewing the charts is it really surprising that the hated UK does not give a flying fcuk and off-loads a cargo of shite at the arrival lounge every year of the Eurovision song contest to make everyone simultaneously spew into sick bags and laughingly erupt liquid through their nostrils? I mean, even if the farcical rules of this “most-watched-camp-song-contest-in-the-world”© where people vote for the neighbouring countries whom they are friendly with far more than for the quality of the songs, were changed, the UK would still gladly and proudly come last. LMAO!


Scooch - Flying The Flag

This is your captain speaking; I’d like to welcome you aboard this Eurovision flight
The duration will be 3 minutes exactly – now sit back, relax and enjoy the flight

Ba-ba-da, Ba-ba-da, Ba-da-da-ba, ba-da
Duty free madam?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Ba-ba-da, Ba-ba-da, Ba-da-da-ba, ba-da
We’re flying the flag all over the world - Flying the flag for you

London to Berlin
All the way from Paris to Tallinn
Helsinki on to Prague
Don’t matter where we are –yeah yeah ye-ah

Flying high in Amsterdam
Why don’t you catch us if you can
Now we’re cruising in the sky
And we’re singing it for you

Ba-ba-da, Ba-ba-da, Ba-da-da-ba, ba-da
Some salted nuts sir?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Ba-ba-da, Ba-ba-da, Ba-da-da-ba, ba-da

We’re flying the flag all over the world
Flying the flag for you
Would you like a complimentary drink with your meal sir?
We’re flying the flag all over the world
Flying the flag for you…

Ladies & Gentlemen, your exits are located here, here and here
To fasten your seatbelt insert the fitting
To use the life vest, slip it over your head
Pull firmly on the red cord and blow into the mouthpiece

Ba-ba-da, Ba-ba-da, Ba-da-da-ba, ba-da
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Ba-ba-da, Ba-ba-da, Ba-da-da-ba, ba-da

We’re flying the flag all over the world
Flying the flag for you

We’re flying the flag all over the world - yes we’re flying - take you all around the world
Flying the flag for you
Would you like something to suck on for landing sir?
We’re flying the flag all over the world - yes we’re flying - take you all around the world
Flying the flag for you…

We’d like to thank you for flying with us today